Anastasia actually gave me a dating two-fer, not only did she get me set up on OkCupid, the dating website, she also set me up with my first real proper date. Ever. When she heard that I was new to the dating scene, she jumped at the chance to set me up with her friend MR. MR was a guy that SHE had met on OkCupid months earlier and, as I found out later to be untrue, was not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with. We added each other on social media so both of us could scope out the other, and when we both agreed to meet, he set up a perfectly proper first date at my favorite little wine bar.
When I say first proper date, what I mean is that I had never actually met someone for the first time in a romantic dinner setting, where they wore a tie, pulled out my chair, picked up the tab etc...I know, I know it seems late in the game. I had dated a string of losers for so many years, I had absolutely no standards as to how I should be treated. Losers even before he-who-must-not-be-named, not in an abusive way, just in a loserish way. They didn't have proper jobs, proper manners, proper anything. They were young, unmotivated man children who didn't know the meaning of an adult relationship.
Enter MR and his perfect on paper-ness. He was 32, worked for the largest tech company in the city, made plenty of money, dressed well, was educated, came from a good family...you can just run down the list of non-negotiable attributes and he checked every single one. Not only that, but he had his light on. A guy having his light on is a term from Sex and The City (i.e. the dating bible) where guys are like cabs. When they're ready to be in a relationship and settle-down, they turn their lights on. A woman can be her most beautiful, charming self, and if the guy doesn't have his light on, it will go nowhere. MR definitely had his light on.
Our first date was a lovely little french wine bar and we ate and drank and chatted up a storm. I was not immediately attracted to him physically, but the conversation was excellent, and he was just so nice and proper, that I knew I would have to see him again. We hugged goodbye and he promptly texted me that he had a swell time and would like to go out again.
Our second date was just a few days later, and he took me to this super fancy seafood restaurant in the mission where I tried oysters for the first time! Hug goodbye, no kiss. I still wasn't feeling the butterflies you get when you think someone is really cute. I felt like I was trying to convince myself to like him. This is the sweetest, most perfect guy, and I wasn't the least bit sexually attracted to him. I felt frustrated at the thought of giving up someone so genuinely nice and smart and funny, when I had a string of losers in my past. CE and CL pointed out that ALL the guys I date should be up to this standard, and that I don't need to marry the first guy who actually treats me properly.
I decided to have one last ditch effort at chemistry, I decided I would go out with him and kiss him. Just on the off-chance that was all I needed to light the spark. Third date: swanky Italian restaurant, lots of wine and pasta...and a cocktail or two. I was feeling brave and summoned up the courage to just go for it. At the end of what felt like 10 courses, he walked me to a cab. Just as he opened the door for me, I went in for the kill. It was completely lackluster, not a spark at all. I pray to god he never reads this because he was truly so very kind and fun to be around. I just couldn't summon up the feelings I needed to feel to really like someone. I ended it the next day, and he was, of course, a perfect gentleman about it. He said that dating is a process and this was a fun one...I mean is that the nicest thing ever. UGH!!!
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