Fast forward 8 months...8 months and several more disappointments later. MR and I had stayed friends on social media, and therefore I was aware of what he was up to and vice-versa. His Facebook and Instagram feeds added to his perfect on paper-ness, he would post funny anecdotes, sayings, and photos that always made me laugh and think of him fondly.
After a few particularly lonely weekends I decided to reach out. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had judged him too quickly. I mean isn't it the intellectual attraction that leads to long happy marriages? As expected, he jumped at the chance to go out again, and we made a date to go to brunch the following Saturday. I went into it thinking I could just be friends with this guy right? My friends warned me that it was a bad idea because we knew he had feelings for me, and you can't just turn that off. It can be a particularly sharp dagger to the heart to be forced to hang out platonically with someone, knowing they don't share your romantic feelings. Oh well I thought, I was lonely, bored, and in search of male companionship. Not one of my prouder moments I do admit.
The day of: brunch at a fabulous down town brasserie, complete with mimosas. Brunch turned into a walk through Union Square, which turned into beers and a football game at a sports bar. We ended up spending the whole day together, and I thought to myself...hmmm spark?? I had just enough beer to feel like getting rowdy and I invited him back to my place. As we walked home, arm in arm, I tried to picture myself with this guy. We got home and made out a little before I moved it into the bedroom. We didn't have sex...but I let him have his way with me just a little. I knew right away that it was a mistake, and now I had gotten in this far, and would have to find a way out. Earlier in the day, we had made tentative plans to see a museum show the following weekend, so I knew I would have to break those plans too! Eeeks. I made up some excuse about being tired and he let himself out.
Shamefully I did the slow fade. I broke our museum plans, and then just never re-scheduled. I may have left a few subsequent texts unanswered too...I am not proud of this and I received a FIRM scolding from CL. She was quite unhappy with me, and rightfully so. It was childish not to tell him straight up that I wasn't feeling it. I bury my face in my hands when I think about how disrespectful it was to slow fade from him after we had been intimate and I knew he liked me. It was just the clearest and most blunt way to send the message I wanted to send, which was it ain't gonna happen.
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