The Stay Strong List

I sat on the floor of T's office crying hysterically, while she calmly continued working and assuring me that everything would be fine.  The urge to reach out to him was overwhelming, and I would have if she had not stepped in.  In order to organize my thoughts I made this list.  I needed to remind myself over and over again why I had left.  It's actually a very effective technique, list-making.  Whenever I feel down and out I make a mental list of all the things I'm grateful for, and it helps me keep perspective.

Luckily T.  had already made up an excuse for me as to why I was not able to work and had arranged for me to leave early.  Another little work friend of mine was just getting off her shift and had come upstairs to see what was going on.  CE was just an acquaintance too at this point, we had worked together for a few months, but weren't best friends just yet.  My abuser limited my social outings, so I was only able to hang out with her a few times before this.  She saw me in my hysterical state and immediately invited me to spend the night.  She lived just a few blocks from work so I peeled myself off the floor and followed her home.  I was already so surprised by the outpouring of support from these two people I had told my secret to, they barely knew me and within a few hours, I had experienced with them the most traumatic shift in my life thus far.  You can think you're totally alone, but I've found that desperate times can bring out the best in people.  Although T. and I have had our share of ups and downs as co-workers and as friends, I will always be grateful to her for what she did for me that day.

And little did I know what I was getting myself into with CE, let the fabulous new life begin!  I was still crying hysterically when she plopped me down on her bed, ordered a pizza, and opened a bottle of La Crema.  I sat there and told her everything, her jaw dropping farther and farther each time I recalled something that had happened to me.  She did exactly what I needed someone to do: listen.  I just needed to get it all out to know that it was real.  I had kept everything to myself for so long that the flood gates just opened and it all came out.  I slept really soundly that night.  My email was pinging over and over again and I would wake up to an inbox full of emails from him, as that was the only way he could contact me.